to influence or not

I’m a mom of a 2 1/2 year old who thinks she’s going on 10. She is all about “you no do it, I do it”. That sounds funny when I say it, but it scares me in a way because she is JUST LIKE ME.

As a parent I really think about how I’m influencing my little girl. Joe and I talk about it all the time. We have started the love and logic method with her since she’s found the temper tantrum stage recently. Whenever she throws a fit we politely and happily say AH-OH and take her too her room since she already knows she’s not allowed to kick, scream, and throw herself on the floor. We allow her to do whatever she wants to get out her frustrations in the safety of her room. Yesterday she used a little love and logic on daddy.

Yesterday, as Joe came home from work, he asked Jordan for a kiss and hug since he hadn’t seen her all day. She was watching her favorite show (Handy Manny) and of course didn’t want to be interrupted. He pretended to bow his head and cry as he sat down by her on the couch. She looked over and said, “if you are going to cry, go to your room” and returned to watching her show. We both looked at each other and didn’t know whether to wail laughing or cry.

Influence…what is really the proper way to influence your kids? I pulled this definition from a really good Blog. It’s a Steven Covey definition of influence.

“The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them – when they feel understood by you – that you have listened deeply and sincerely, and that you are open. – Steven Covey

I love this definition. If you’ve read my blogs over this past week blog you’ll know I’m really hearing God speak to me about putting others first. My natural tendency is to be what I want Jordan to be and try to push her into that box. I’m seeing that more and more of my focus should be on my relationship with her, loving her where she is, as she is, and the rest I’m learning to leave to God.

The most important things about being a leader I learned from my 2 year old…

1. Honest is the best policy –Honestly with the right focus gains respect, even when it’s not an easy topic to discuss. Dishonestly, which includes leaving out key details or stretching the truth sets me up for disrespect, an unhealthy conscience, and sin. Yeah, it often requires more effort and work, but in the end it’s worth it.
2. Communications means everything - Not only do I have to communicate the message appropriately, I have to check to assure we have the same definitions of things. It’s hard some times to remember my 2 year old doesn’t have the same vocabulary. Again, more work and effort, but in the end it’s worth it. One big note here that I really am working on. Listening is just as important as talking! And communicating with others really requires seeing from their point of view which requires great questions and mucho listening.
3. Set proper expections, reward the results, don’t dictate the process to get there – everyone has their own way of getting the job done. Not many people really like being told how to do their jobs, even 2 year olds. Fostering innovation rather than dictating it or criticizing after the fact how someone does the job helps people learn new things and gives them autonomy to enjoy the ride and take credit for the overall success.
4. Encourage trying new things, and never criticize failure – The fastest way to killing innovation and hard work is criticism. The fastest way to building innovation and hard work is freedom to try new things, encouragement, and giving others the ability to fail which in the end makes us better.